A Morning With Kevin

Of course I spend virtually every morning with Kevin, but I thought I’d just give you a little peek into our world. Let me know if any of this sounds familiar.

This morning, like all other non-work mornings, I was summoned to his room by ‘boing boing boing boing,’ which is essentially what he’s doing in his crib; bouncing up and down, sometimes getting a good 6 inches of air. Quite frankly, I’m surprised he hasn’t catapulted right out onto the floor yet. Oddly enough, he can bounce like this mere seconds after waking, I’ve seen him do it with his eyes all squinty and barely open. Its as if his little toddler instinct says “yippee, its morning time. Lets get going!” He’s ecstatic to see me every morning when I peek into his door and he is instantly forgiven for anything and everything he has done or is about to do.

Mornings are fairly relaxed at our house; I make coffee, Kev clamors for his “wonk” which is soy milk; he currently prefers chocolate flavored. He generally also wants coffee and I comply. Now, before you all get up in arms about me giving a toddler coffee, keep in mind that my coffee is mixed with plenty of soy milk and I then pour that into his milk. So really he’s drinking soy milk with a very small amount of coffee in it.

This particular morning, Kev is bringing me vanilla and vinegar from my baking cupboard. They are in identical jugs and he is counting them for my benefit; “one, three . . .”

There is rarely a moment in my morning when I cannot reach out and touch Kev as he seems to be glued to my side. I’m currently sitting at the kitchen table using my laptop, and he is at my right elbow, examining the cooking oil bottle. Earlier I went to tidy some toys in his room and he played intently with his cars and trucks just next to me until I left his room.

Morning is bathtime for Kev and immediately follows his first stinky diaper of the day. Some days he can be left playing in the tub for almost an hour and other days he says “done done” after only a minute or two of playing. The way our home is set up, I can hear him from wherever I am on the main floor. Often I work in the kitchen; sometimes in my room. Sometimes I even dare to sit at the computer and do some work while he’s having a bath. But that doesn’t happen often; the last time I did that I tuned out his excited commentary from the bathroom. “Tub. Poopy. Tub. Poopy in Tub.”

Kev signals the end of bathtime by flinging his toys onto the floor. First one, then another, and another, and then they all come flying out of the tub in rapid succession. I’ve learned a lesson, and that is to put small toys in the tub that cannot hold water, and therefore are not holding a gallon of water when they land on the floor.

At present, he is wearing his pyjamas, a green pasta strainer on his head and my runners on his feet. He is asking to “opendo” the vanilla and vinegar jugs but is very agreeable when I say no. Does anyone else ever wonder what exactly goes on in a toddler’s head?

Regroup and Recharge

Hmmmm, I know I've got something in my head just waiting for a chance to get out, but I can't quite figure out what it is. So I'll just start typing and hope my thoughts organize themselves.

Maybe I'll start by telling you about our day (and by 'our' I mean myself and Kev). It started out a tad on the early side, 0715. But, when Kev's awake, it's time to get up and take on the day. Yes, that is a saying of Dr. Laura Schlessinger. "Take on the day."

Coffee, toast, laundry, dishes, and some phone calls and it was almost time for our naps. Turns out Kev got a nice long nap while I scurried around getting ready to go to a birthday party. Pack my bag, pack Kev's bag, wash my hair, fix my face (ha!), find clothes for me that still fit, bring everything outside to wait for our ride, and then wake Kev from his nap. Our day has pretty much followed that theme all day; busy, busy, busy. It's been a good day; we saw lots of family and friends and took lots of good pictures, but it was busy.

Now I remember what's on my mind. I think I mentioned this during the day to someone and I think other people often feel the same way, but I just don't hear a lot of talk about it.

After working 2 12-hour days, not only am I tired, but I'm completely "peopled out." That is, I've had enough interaction with other humans that I'd just prefer to spend time alone (but with Kev) and have no demands placed on me other than keeping my house clean and having a long nap. One day like that and I am completely refueled and ready to face a few more busy days.

By no means am I anti-social, I just love being at home, puttering around the house and recharging myself for the next flurry of activity. As much as I love my job, I've definitely noticed that interacting with co-workers and patients on an intimate level for 12 hours is utterly exhausting. By intimate, I am referring to the relationship between nurse and patient; we are privileged enough to be allowed a glimpse of their most vulnerable moments and peer into their lives, if only for an hour or two. We pry details from patients that they would divulge in no other relationship. It is necessary to know things about our patients that they may not have been expecting us to ask, ie. my favorite question is "when was your last poop?" The answers to this question can be quite surprising at times!

Working with two to three other nurses and one or two doctors plus a myriad of support staff in such close quarters necessitates that you have at least a basic understanding of social norms. Needless to say, this is an issue for me at the best of times! My mouth frequently engages before my brain has had time to process what the mouth is planning to say. This is not always a good thing. I find it necessary to actively and consciously guard what I say, and to be on alert for a 12 straight hours is mentally exhausting. In particular, I find that I have drastically cut down on my use of 4-letter words in my new position at Bethesda and have not made off-color jokes or comments while at work. I'm still trying to decided if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

What I'm trying to get at is that nursing is not only physically demanding, it is mentally exhausting. When I'm done my shifts, I need the downtime of days off to regroup and recharge for the next shifts.

And, just for the record, despite the exhaustion that follows a few consecutive shifts, I wouldn't change my career for anything! The satisfaction of knowing I'm doing what I am certain I was destined to do, and loving what I do, is worth the exhaustion.

Happiness is a Choice

Happiness is a choice, not something that just "happens" to us. Its not like some people are privileged and have "happy" lives and others are cursed and have miserable lives. Rather, its a choice we make, every minute of every day. We can take what happens to us and let it fester and color our world in misery, or we can learn from what has happened and move on. Conversely, we can also see the silver lining of the cloud that just dumped all over us.

I have a few pet peeves, one is those who complain miserably about the sorry state of their lives and steadfastly do nothing to improve things for themselves, or those who persist in seeing the negativity in every situation.

Its been a while since I've been for a walk without a stroller or a wagon, so I enjoyed the weather yesterday and today and walked on my lunch and supper breaks at work. Yes, I'm a nurse, I'm on my feet for the majority of a 12 hour shift, and I went for a walk during my break. These were very short walks, each less than a mile long. Walking without Kev (wagon or stroller) gives me the time to think and clear my head. Some people walk with music and some talk on their phones while they walk. I prefer to walk without music and without the earbuds in my ear. This frees my mind to wander and think about things that have been simmering on the back burner while I bustle about my daily life.

Today, for whatever reason, I began thinking about why some people are happy and have a sense of humor and look on the bright side of life, while others are utterly miserable. We all know the two types. We all know someone who always has a smile, always has something positive to say, someone who can brighten our day just by being there. And we all know someone who simply sucks the life right out of us by their negative attitude. Its as if they have a dreary gray cloud hovering over their head and they insist on sharing their misery with everyone and anyone.

Someone very near and dear to me summed up the negativeness of her world very accurately one day when I suggested to her that happiness comes from internal sources, not external. "Well, how can I possibly be happy when I have such a horrible life?" Truly, if your life is so horrible, how can you be happy?! She could not comprehend that happiness is a choice we make for ourselves and with a simple change of outlook, her world would change.

Being a relatively new employee in a small hospital (and I mean small when compared to HSC), I have not yet met all the employees. However, I met one in particular today who was the very definition of happiness. She had a smile for the patient and the patient's visitors.  She exuded happiness and was a pleasure to have in the department, if even for a brief time. We introduced ourselves, discussed our lives and children very briefly, found common ground and agreed that life was too short to be miserable.

Blogging is a wonderful outlet for me, and I'd love to hear what you think about this topic "Happiness is a Choice."