Day Three

When you work 12 hour shifts, the third day can sometimes be a bit dicey. A lot of people can breeze through more than three days, but for most, three is the absolute limit. For others, two is the limit of what their mind and body can take.

I'm not quite at the full 12 hour shift yet, but I will be next week.  Currently I'm doing 10 hour shifts, a graduated step between 8 and 12 hours.  But I'm doing three consecutive shifts. I've been off work for 15 months with a herniated disc and the road to recovery has been riddled with complications and setbacks, so for me to get to this point is utterly fantabulous!! (Yes, I made that word up.)

Here's how it works at our house when I'm on three in a row:

• get up anytime between 0400 and 0600
• coffee
• get ready (includes waking child, dressing child, packing lunch, etc etc etc)
• visalus shake
• leave the house
• drive 15 minutes to sitter
• unpack child
• drive 15 minutes back to town to work
• go hard for the entirety of the shift (sometimes longer)
• drive 15 minutes to retrieve over-tired child
• retrieve child
• drive 15 minutes with overtired child who is alternately crying from exhaustion or falling asleep
• unpack the car
• enter house and feed child
• bathe child (or not)
• cajole child into staying in his own bed long enough to fall asleep
• collapse into my bed with every intention of brushing my teeth in a few minutes
• wake up at 0100 with a very full bladder
• pee
• get into pyjamas
• back to bed
• wake between 0400 and 0600

Repeat twice more.

Note: I have not included the possibilities that child may wake at 0430 and refuse to sleep anymore, exacerbating his tiredness at pick up time and interrupting my quiet and peaceful morning.

Nor have I included the little bloopers that make up a normal day. Spilling a portion of the shake on the passenger's seat, forgetting swipe card at home and being unable to enter the hospital, stopping to fix irritating windshield wipers, and so on.

By the end of three days, mind and body are ready to enter a coma state.

Have I mentioned lately that I love nursing?

AFRAID TO START

What am I afraid to start?

I'm afraid to start keeping a daily journal as a from of self examination. It scares me as I am sure I will start writing and not be able to write all that I need to write. There are so many things racing around in my head that they are all crowding the exit and waiting to get out and onto paper, or keyboard. Either option is available to me; I just haven't got a preference at this point.

Everyone's life is chaotic in some way. Sometimes only for a little while, but others have lives that are permanently chaotic.  I want to examine this for myself and get to know myself a little better and see what really makes me tick.

I'm also afraid that if I begin to examine myself via a daily journal, I may not always like some of the things I discover. There are choices that have to be made, and it scares me to think that I may have to give up things that I worked so hard to attain.

But, I feel compelled to do this, to reach deep within myself and look around at who I am, where I came from, where I am, and where I am going.

There are so many sections and sub-sections and sub-sub-sections in me that I honestly do not know where to start. Like I said earlier, I'm afraid to start this self-examination process; afraid that once the deluge begins, there will be no end.

Organized Chaos

At this very moment I am lying flat on my back on my loveseat with my feet up on the armrest; one of my most comfortable positions since I injured my back. Kevin woke me up by crawling into my bed at 0630. Dry! He was dry!!

Given my early start, I've been up and going hard for almost two hours, which really is nothing unusual for me.  I've officially started packing for our upcoming move; both exciting and intimidating. 

I've got lists and lists and lists and more lists of the things that I need to get done, and a list of items that we will be moving with us back to Winnipeg.  Life's demands don't just stop when you are packing, everyday items still need to be taken care of, ie. dishes, cooking, laundry, etc.

So far I've packed a clear plastic bin of cotton fabric, mostly sheets and pillowcases, for use in future rugs.  I have accumulated quite a bit in the past months and will continue to accept donations, but will not be making any trips to the thrift store or to garage sales in search of fabric until I have used up a substantial portion of what I have left. 

My oldest son's wedding is in just more than 48 hours and this is currently occupying the largest portion of my time and focus at this point.  Although, most everything is done, except for the appointments for hair and makeup, etc.  Arrangements for childcare are made, all clothing and accessories are purchased except for Kevin's clothing. And that I've put Jennifer in charge of doing, as she works in a shopping mall. 

Life never slows down to a crawl at our house, there is always more to do than there are hours in the day. I know it could be a lot busier and am confident that it will get more complicated when we are moved into the city. Kevin is eligible for nursery school this fall, and is already on a waiting list at a "school of choice" for Kindergarten 2013-2014. The school in question has a daycare program onsite, which is ideal. It is a school in a upper middle-class neighborhood and it is where my son's fiance spent her first nine years of education. Speaking of nine years, it is a Kindergarten to Grade 9 facility, which means only switching school for high school, and then he would be going to the same school that my two older children graduated from.

I'm aware that nursery school (or pre-school) is not mandatory, but was kind of hoping that he could get into one, but that would make my work schedule and child care arrangements so much more difficult to keep track of.  I'd love to be able to afford a nanny, not a live-in, but one who lived close by enough that she could be at my house or her house for the duration of my work day, which is usually 12 hours.

Sigh.  Time for another cup of coffee....