So Kevy's having his very first sleepover tomorrow at a friend's house. He's super excited, I'm nervous as heck. He'll be about ten miles down the road from home, but it feels like a thousand miles. I've got no problem leaving him to sleepover at the sitter's house; heck, we've had to do that since he was born cuz I worked a lot of nights.
This is different; he's going to a friend's house. It's another step towards independence and not needing me, and that means he's gonna start school soon, and then he'll be graduating, and then and then and then ...... Oh dear!
My older kids put up with me being a Nervous Nellie when it came to sleepovers and activities that took them away from me. I was sure I'd have gotten over that by now! But, alas, it appears I'm still afflicted.
He's gonna be away from me for about 18 hours, easy, right? He's stayed at the sitters for 72 hours sometimes when I've had three consecutive nights. Again, no problem.
Growing up is what kids are supposed to do, but they're supposed to do it slower! This is just too fast for me!
What if he cries for me at night? What if the other mom doesn't know how to turn him into a hippo or horse or elephant when tucking him in? What if he has to pee at night? What if he falls off a strange bed? What if? What if?!
I'm really not as worried or nervous as I'm leading on. He'll be perfectly fine at his friend's house.
And, I see this experience for what it is; an important step on the road to independence.
Even so, I'm leaving my cell phone number and instructions to call if he needs anything. I've also mentioned (more than a few times) to the other mother, that I will pick him up at 0300 if necessary.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Perfection
I'm not perfect and you're not perfect. No one is. So why do we demand perfection of ourselves? Why do we beat ourselves up when we fall short of perfection?
It's great to strive to improve on a continual basis; without growth, we stagnate and die. Not in the literal sense, of course. But each day that we're alive and breathing, we need to improve upon ourselves from the day before; each rising sun gives us the opportunity to start fresh.
Why I felt compelled to write about perfection tonight, I'll never know. What I do know that is the past few weeks I've let my mind and pen write a lot without any type of censorship. So when my mind gives me the nudge to write about a particular topic or person or situation, I pay attention, pick up my pen, and write. To some that may seem a bit wishy-washy; that's okay, I'm not writing this for you.
If you're a FB friend, you'll have noticed that I went for four (4) coffee dates in two days, two of which were with my mom and likely should not count. But it's never just me and my mom. Family and friends nearly always join us.
I was sort of dreading these "coffee" dates, as I sometimes tend to shrink back into my "hermit-zone" when things are not going well. However, I made myself go to each date, and I'm not sorry I did so. It's good for us to push past our comfort zones and get a bit uncomfortable on occasion. In this case I knew I needed to give myself a little nudge and spend some time with adults, communicating about grown-up things.
We all are familiar with the expression that things happen for a reason, etc. these coffee dates were no exception. With each person I sat down with and communicated, I learned more about them, and had new insights into my own
mind.
My two years working in rural nursing have not been kind to me, nor have I been kind to it, or to myself. I've lost the passion I once had for nursing as a result of the move to rural nursing. This disappoints me greatly! It took having coffee with a dear friend and co-worker for me to realize that this is not the fault of rural nursing. Things happen for a reason, but I'm really struggling with understanding this one!
Coffee #2 was a larger group; there were six of us, I believe. Here I learned that I should likely sit down and address my feelings about possibly not returning to regular nursing duties. I'm angry. But that's another post.
Lunch/coffee today was me and mom with one of her long-time friends, and her daughter. The moms visited and reminisced, while we discussed a multitude of topics; it was quite enjoyable.
This afternoon I sat down with an ex-boyfriend''s ex-wife. We've talked sporadically over the past years, and I've really come to appreciate her as a friend. Sitting with her I had another one of my "epiphanies," which happens every now and then. Without her, and without our conversation, I would never have had this revelation. It was one of those flashes of insight into one's own condition that changes the way a person behaves ever after. Just as I have used humor as a means of covering my insecurities, I believe I've also used another behavior for another purpose. (I don't care to share specifics of that behavior here.)
So how does this all relate back to perfection?
We're always growing, learning. We're never done learning about ourselves, and the more we learn about ourselves, the more adjustments we can make in our journey towards perfection.
It's great to strive to improve on a continual basis; without growth, we stagnate and die. Not in the literal sense, of course. But each day that we're alive and breathing, we need to improve upon ourselves from the day before; each rising sun gives us the opportunity to start fresh.
Why I felt compelled to write about perfection tonight, I'll never know. What I do know that is the past few weeks I've let my mind and pen write a lot without any type of censorship. So when my mind gives me the nudge to write about a particular topic or person or situation, I pay attention, pick up my pen, and write. To some that may seem a bit wishy-washy; that's okay, I'm not writing this for you.
If you're a FB friend, you'll have noticed that I went for four (4) coffee dates in two days, two of which were with my mom and likely should not count. But it's never just me and my mom. Family and friends nearly always join us.
I was sort of dreading these "coffee" dates, as I sometimes tend to shrink back into my "hermit-zone" when things are not going well. However, I made myself go to each date, and I'm not sorry I did so. It's good for us to push past our comfort zones and get a bit uncomfortable on occasion. In this case I knew I needed to give myself a little nudge and spend some time with adults, communicating about grown-up things.
We all are familiar with the expression that things happen for a reason, etc. these coffee dates were no exception. With each person I sat down with and communicated, I learned more about them, and had new insights into my own
mind.
My two years working in rural nursing have not been kind to me, nor have I been kind to it, or to myself. I've lost the passion I once had for nursing as a result of the move to rural nursing. This disappoints me greatly! It took having coffee with a dear friend and co-worker for me to realize that this is not the fault of rural nursing. Things happen for a reason, but I'm really struggling with understanding this one!
Coffee #2 was a larger group; there were six of us, I believe. Here I learned that I should likely sit down and address my feelings about possibly not returning to regular nursing duties. I'm angry. But that's another post.
Lunch/coffee today was me and mom with one of her long-time friends, and her daughter. The moms visited and reminisced, while we discussed a multitude of topics; it was quite enjoyable.
This afternoon I sat down with an ex-boyfriend''s ex-wife. We've talked sporadically over the past years, and I've really come to appreciate her as a friend. Sitting with her I had another one of my "epiphanies," which happens every now and then. Without her, and without our conversation, I would never have had this revelation. It was one of those flashes of insight into one's own condition that changes the way a person behaves ever after. Just as I have used humor as a means of covering my insecurities, I believe I've also used another behavior for another purpose. (I don't care to share specifics of that behavior here.)
So how does this all relate back to perfection?
We're always growing, learning. We're never done learning about ourselves, and the more we learn about ourselves, the more adjustments we can make in our journey towards perfection.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Responsibility (sometimes) Sucks)
Wherever you are in life, you're there because of choices YOU made! These are not always the big choices (which job offer to take); where you are is more a result of many small day-to-day choices.
We love to go through life thinking we are a result of our childhood, or a product of past abuses suffered earlier in life, even identifying ourselves as an abuse survivor.
Let me ask you this question: how can you call it living if you're an abuse "survivor?" That would imply that you are merely "surviving" vs truly thriving.
When is it a good time to let go of your past and start living? This is where our choices begin to factor in; when we've wallowed in self pity and bitterness long enough, we can choose to remain there and continue with our "poor poor me, my life is so lousy" attitude or we can CHOOSE to take action and change our lives for the better.
Personally, I have no patience or tolerance for those who have made the choice to remain in their "poor me" condition, whining and complaining ad nauseum, steadfastly refusing to make the choice to improve their lives in any manner.
Inaction is just another form of choice. In not taking action, we are CHOOSING to not take action.
We are a product of our past choices and while we cannot go back in time to change our choices, we can certainly CHOOSE to make better choices starting this exact moment.
We love to go through life thinking we are a result of our childhood, or a product of past abuses suffered earlier in life, even identifying ourselves as an abuse survivor.
Let me ask you this question: how can you call it living if you're an abuse "survivor?" That would imply that you are merely "surviving" vs truly thriving.
When is it a good time to let go of your past and start living? This is where our choices begin to factor in; when we've wallowed in self pity and bitterness long enough, we can choose to remain there and continue with our "poor poor me, my life is so lousy" attitude or we can CHOOSE to take action and change our lives for the better.
Personally, I have no patience or tolerance for those who have made the choice to remain in their "poor me" condition, whining and complaining ad nauseum, steadfastly refusing to make the choice to improve their lives in any manner.
Inaction is just another form of choice. In not taking action, we are CHOOSING to not take action.
We are a product of our past choices and while we cannot go back in time to change our choices, we can certainly CHOOSE to make better choices starting this exact moment.
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