Perhaps my sense of isolation today is of my own doing, but knowing that does nothing to ease the feeling. It simply adds guilt to isolation, not a great combination.
Normally I love being alone at home with Kevy, but today is not one of those days.
Acknowledging isolation, I came up with four possible reasons or causes that I would be feeling that way.
First, I'm broker than broke and that pretty much forces me to stay home. Just knowing that I can't afford to do anything makes it much worse. I'd be fine if I was choosing to stay home, but this is out of necessity.
Second, I really really really miss my adult children. It's not even possible to exaggerate that statement! Living in the same neighborhood as them, we could walk over or invite them over for dinner.
Third, when I was working I spent all day with people and was quite happy to spend time at home without others around. That was my time to "regroup" and prepare for the next set of days on. Being off work, I am lacking the company of co-workers; not necessarily missing it, but lacking the interaction with others.
Fourth, when the isolation hit me the hardest this afternoon, I simply wanted to get out of the house to go for a walk. But, Kevy had not napped and did not want to go outside. Being already tired and grumpy myself, I chose to not force the issue and we stayed in the house.
It goes without saying that single parents (or single grandparents) could potentially experience stronger feelings of isolation. Not having a partner, someone who is a support, someone who knows me, intensifies the feeling of being alone.
It's a rare day that I feel isolation as intensely today, so don't think this is my normal state; it's not.
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