Single Grandparent

It seems there are support groups in existence for nearly every imaginable purpose, but I have yet to see one for Single Grandparents. Granted, its not a common phenomenon, but there are special and unique circumstances and situations we deal on a daily basis. This “isolation” from those in a situation similar to mine makes me wonder how others are coping and what strategies they use for coping.

The biggest issue for me regarding this topic is one that I mentioned to a co-worker at night while we were winding down from our gong show of a shift. Who do I tell when Kev does something really cute, or really naughty (yes, he has his naughty moments), or when he hits a new developmental milestone?

In a traditional home situation the caregiver could tell the work-outside-the-home parent about the child’s day, be it good or bad. Then perhaps a call to the grandparents on either side and do a little bit of bragging about what their grandchild had done. Loving and involved mothers and fathers and grandparents love to hear these little tidbits of news, regardless of how mundane they are

When Kev does something really silly (every 5 minutes) or something super naughty (not often) or when he does something developmentally new, who do I tell?; There is no biological father in the picture, and therefore no second set of grandparents. The next obvious step would be for me to tell my husband/partner, but I don't have anyone to fill that job description. With Jen's dad (Kev's Grandpa) living in Alberta and not involved in Kev’s life, that’s not a realistic option.

Kev's birth mother verbalizes an interest in Kev's life, but I don't feel obligated to regale her with stories of his everyday life, as communication between us has been somewhat strained for the past few months. In my eyes, it is not enough to express interest in a child, you need to demonstrate that interest.

When Chris and Jen were young I could tell my Mom the stuff they did and for a few years I could count on Marj to listen and give pertinent advice if needed. It may be harsh to say this, but telling my Mom stuff these days takes up more energy than its worth. First she has to be able to hear what you're saying, then she has to be able to understand and make sense of what I've said. It’s a rare occasion that a story only needs to be told to her once.

In a sense I feel somewhat isolated in my role as Kev's Mom, but perhaps that is a self-imposed feeling or role. I share his achievements with my friends and relatives on Facebook and most often get a very positive response. My nieces are raising children the age of Kev, so when I see them we talk for hours about what our children are doing or not doing. Co-workers (both on D2 and now NU1) frequently ask about Kev.

My biggest confidante in raising Kev is his babysitter. With no one else have I shared so many details on Kev’s day to day life (right down to the consistency of what’s in his dirty diapers!). I have shared with her my attitudes and ideas about raising children and she knows Kev’s likes and dislikes as well as I do. She loves that boy like her own and rocks him to sleep when I am working.

In summary, there are challenges to being a single grandparent, primarily the feeling of not being able to share the love and joy of Kev with another adult who loves him like I do. While it is a challenge and sometimes isolating, I don't feel as if I'm whining or complaining about the situation. After all, this is my reality. My choices brought me here and the challenges I've presented are easily surmountable. I have yet to meet a challenge that cannot be beaten.

Tell me about your parenting experiences and/or challenges. How do you deal with certain situations?