Thursday, March 21, 2013

"FAMILY SICK"

It's a rare occasion that I am woken by my alarm on my phone; I only set it as a backup on days that I have to work at 0745. This morning has been no exception as I've been awake since 0300, pondering whether or not to make a "family sick" call to work in order to allow Son #2 to be sick at home. The decision I've reached is a sort of compromise; I'll bring him to the sitter, let her know he's still under the weather and to call me if necessary.

My Mama instincts and heart know that I should be spending the day at home with him. The financial and more common sense part of me says that it's best, financially speaking, if I go to work.

As a single-grandparent, this is an ongoing challenge for me. Trying to balance financial responsibilities with family. Having a sick day does not simply mean a smaller pay cheque and "doing with less" on the next payday. It is a matter of our survival. There is no other income in this household; I'm not just a supplementary income. I AM the income earner, the ONLY income earner.

Fortunately, we have an amazing childcare provider. She will take care of him and love him in a way that is second only to me. If he needs holding and loving, she will make the time to do so. If this were not so, I would most definitely be staying home with him, money be damned.

Even knowing he is in good hands will not ease the desire to be with him when he's ill. I will think about him every minute until its the end of my shift and wonder how he's feeling.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The Right Thing

It's been a relatively routine and quiet day at my house. Got home from work at 0815 and went straight to bed and slept till 1330.

Out of the house by 1400 and at the sitter by 1415. Son #2 gave me the best greeting ever! I closed the house door behind me and heard his voice, "mom? Mommy?!" and he came hurtling up the stairs and launched himself at me. He cuddled up to me as I sat on the floor, looking a bit smug as if he was thinking, "I've got my mommy. She's my mommy and you can't have her!"

He needed no coaxing this time to get his outside gear on and was out the door before I was done chatting with his sitter.

If ever I need confirmation that I did the right thing by "adopting" him, or if ever I need to be reminded that I am a worthwhile person, I need only think back on incidents like this.

"Don't Come Back Until..."

Perhaps those were not the exact words the dentist spoke to me just over a week ago, but mighty darn close. There is more work to be done in my mouth, but he would like to defer all further treatment until I have seen a specialist for my ongoing (and severe) left jaw pain. Fair enough.

Here's the kicker; I'm also supposed to start seeing a counsellor who would theoretically help with the stress that I am apparently dealing with. But I don't feel stressed. I'm fully aware that there are issues in my life that should be causing me copious amounts of stress and anxiety.

Who has time to sit down with a counsellor an hour or two a week? Not I. I barely have time to pick my nose, never mind have an hour long conversation about life. Normally I love to talk about myself and what is going on in my world, so it surprises me that I am shying away from this opportunity.

Perhaps there are truths inside me that I am afraid of discovering.

There is a lot going on in my world; neither good nor bad. To put a "good" or "bad" label on an event or series of events is to determine positivity or negativity in advance. I choose not to do this as I believe that there is a learning opportunity in every moment of our lives. If we label something as "bad" we are closing the door to any potential learning or growth.

There is no single concern in my world that is causing enough stress for my dentist to believe I need counseling. It is an accumulation of life circumstances.

I'm not saying I don't agree with him; I do agree with him. Whatever stress I'm having is leading me to have horrendous physical symptoms in my jaw. It's as if the internal pain, the stress that I'm not feeling, must find a way to make itself felt.