As you all may or may not have gathered from previous blogs and/or Facebook, I’ve found a place to live in Steinbach. This has been on my radar since October or November, and I’ve been eagerly waiting for the time day when I could say “we’re moving on such-and-such a date.”
Now that I’ve got a place and we’re moving at the beginning of March, suddenly I’m nervous, worried, scared, and experiencing many other emotions I wasn’t expecting. Since I’ve taken the step of by signing a one year lease and making the initial deposit, my psyche just wants to curl up in the fetal position and suck my thumb. Suddenly I’m not so brave and courageous after all.
The ‘what-ifs’ that never entered my consciousness prior to this are coming out in hordes today. What if I can’t afford the rent? What if I can’t get a job? What if I hate it? What if I’m lonely despite living near friends and family? What if I have unwelcome company every night just because I’m closer to people I know? What if things don’t work out as planned? What if I change my mind?
There are so many ‘what-ifs’, but each has a logical answer. If I can’t afford the rent, when my one year lease is up, I find a cheaper place. Since nurses are always in demand, I’m not too concerned about getting a job in Ste. Anne or Steinbach. If I absolutely hate it, I can move back to the city after a year. If I’m lonely, there’s a good possibility that I’m to blame. After all I have two families now! If I have unwelcome company too often, its time to set limits with the unwanted guests. If things don’t work out, Winnipeg will still have a home for me. If I change my mind, again, I can move back to the city.
Logically, the fears are quite unfounded, but the worrier in me is working overtime today. Damn that worrier! I’m making every attempt to keep myself busy so my brain can’t keep up its continual commentary on what could all possibly go wrong, but thus far, my attempts have been unsuccessful.
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