My Regrets

This could be a very short post as my regrets are none. Yes, you read that correctly. I have no regrets.

You may wonder how I could possibly have no regrets given that I’ve had, by some people’s standards, a hard life. Let me make one thing clear right now, my life and all it has encompassed thus far, is as a result of decisions I have made.

Everything that has happened, yes everything, has brought me to where I am today. I am immensely happy with where my life is at this very moment. I’ve raised two beautiful adult children and am raising one beautiful grandchild/son. I’m working as a nurse, which is something I’ve always wanted to do.

Having made clear that my life is a product of my choices, and that who I am today is a cumulative result of the past, there have been incidents in my life that I could label as ‘regrets’ but they’re really more like “turning points” or “decisive moments.” Incidents where I could have behaved differently or chosen differently and things would have turned out entirely differently.

H1N1 andVegas

For those of you in the know, I was on holidays for all of November and part of December. My VBF and I had booked a short vacation in Vegas in mid-November and were to leave on a Sunday. The preceding Tuesday, I discovered that Kev and I both had H1N1. The ensuing cancellation was made at the advice of the doctor and because I had no way of predicting the course my illness would take. (turns out I didn’t get very sick at all, it was the cough that nearly did me in) Together with my VBF, I made the choice to cancel, despite having spent $600 each on airfare and hotel.

Canceling is not a choice that I regret; during the time that I was scheduled to be in Vegas, I rediscovered how wonderful it is to spend quantity time with Kev, doing absolutely nothing except maintaining the house and existing. I feel that we bonded a lot during that time and it was during that time that I realized that a huge shift in priorities had taken place. My next vacation plans are likely to include my red-headed gremlin!

TMI

As a teen I went to Aruba with an organized mission group called Teen Missions International, allegedly to do mission work. While the group’s aim was truly to do mission work, what I wanted most of all was to escape from the sheltered life I was leading in my community, feeling that there was more to life than what I was seeing and experiencing. It took some lying and some conniving, but somehow I made it happen.

While with this group in a two week “boot camp” in Florida (mandatory before Aruba), one of the male members of my small group caught my eye. Tall, good looking and American. Foreign and exotic, nothing like the boys I knew at home. We immediately hit it off and realized there was some real chemistry between us. Under the ever watchful eyes of our team leaders, who weren’t blind or stupid, we were unable to sneak any time alone for the first while. By the time we flew from Miami to Aruba, we had already kissed and spent plenty of time alone together. It was so exciting for me to be away from my parents, my community, and the voices that forbade me to make any choices on my own. “You shouldn’t do that, you’ll get hurt.” “You can’t do that. That’s wrong.” “Would God approve of what you are doing?” I was finally able to make my own choices and if there were negative consequences, I had only myself to blame. In short, I was experiencing my first real taste of freedom and couldn’t have been happier.

To make a long story short, we spent one hot Sunday afternoon away from the confines of our group; someone saw us and ratted us out. I promptly got sent home at my parents’ expense and my only regret is that my parents had to foot the bill. I have no regret for breaking the rules and doing what was forbidden. I do not regret cheating on a boyfriend that was waiting for me back home. This was exactly the excitement that I needed in my life. After this adventure, I never returned to being the docile daughter, girlfriend and future wife that my upbringing dictated I should be. For that, I am eternally grateful.

There are many more such pivotal points in my life, but far too many for one post.