Saturday, January 2, 2010

Random Thoughts from a Nurse on Break

2010 is off to an auspicious start!

Kevin slept through the night the past two nights. Not a peep out of him last night, and just a wee bit of crying the night before. I, however, am not sleeping through the night. Can't actually remember the last time I slept through the night. Shift work and a weak bladder will do that to a person.

Other than that, not much has happened for me to make that bold opening statement.

On New Year's Day, my VBF was over for the afternoon. While I went through boxes of sentimental belongings, "Julie & Julia" was playing; we weren't paying much attention to it. Virg was quite amused simply watching me toil through box after box of paper and clothing; boxes of my oldest son's belongings, select items of infant clothing, his baby book, miscellaneous photos (his first Santa picture), and a full box of school papers and drawings.

Some of the boxes had been untouched since he was in Grade Four, which is at least 15 years ago as he is currently in his 3rd year of university. Each and every paper that was in the box was kept for specific reasons when I made the choice to keep them. If only I had written those reasons and dates on those papers. Many contained drawings of indeterminate objects with no date, name or description to indicate why I may have kept them. Those papers filled a large trash bag and made their way out to the dumpster. Report cards stayed, but only if they were the end of year report card. Others were thrown out. I'm not sure why I'm still keeping so many papers and things for "sentimental" reasons. But I am thrilled to pieces that I've managed to part with so many things in the past two months.

One corner in the living room is piled with numbered and labelled boxes already filled and ready to go. However, it is my goal to go through these boxes at least once or twice more to weed out even more belongings. I have boxes of clothing that I wore 40 pounds ago and continue to be optimistic that the weight will spontaneously melt away. There is a box of cookbooks, which was once two or three boxes. I'm keeping only the ones that I've actually used. I am not a big fan of having to cook, but I love to bake, and having Kevin requires that I cook occasionally.

Please accept my apologies for the randomness of this blog; I seem incapable of sticking to one topic today.

I'm at work in the break room and two nurses are having a conversation behind me while I type. ADD dictates that I keep one ear on their conversation and try and type a sensible blog at the same time. Possibly do-able for a non-ADD person, but not for me.

My daughter, Kev's birthmother, has her plane ticket to Quebec and is leaving on January 12. My feelings on this range from thankfulness to sadness to nostalgia. I'm thankful because we have not been getting along for a long time now and the situation has been complicated by our reversal of roles in Kev's care. The sadness is also because we don't get along and I don't want her to leave with bad memories and associations. But at the same time, I do not want Kev to see the disparity between Jen and myself. Nor should he be privy to the disrespect that Jen frequently demonstrates towards me.

Break time is over, work calls.

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