Cleaning Out Jen's Room

On days like this I desperately wish I could simply clean out Jen’s abandoned room, without my mind and heart working overtime. But, oh no, I was flooded with waves of nostalgia with each and every familiar item that I touched.

It’s been two days since she left and today I got the courage to go into her room to start the cleansing process. It was worse than I could have imagined! There were posters still on the wall; I’m sure the floor hadn’t been swept in months, and so on. There were so many things left behind, as if she’s saying farewell to her childhood and welcoming adulthood.

The very first thing I noticed was her blankie was lying on her bed, utterly forsaken and forlorn. I nearly wept! She still slept with it every night, including the night before she left. That blankie has been to sleepovers, to camp, to Alberta and BC, and to Wisconsin (it is currently being used by Kev).

Perhaps I need to say goodbye to the child named Jennifer and welcome the adult by the same name. Perhaps she was only as childlike as I thought her to be. Perhaps it was I who had trouble adjusting to my baby girl becoming an adult. Perhaps I will approve of more of her choices now that she’s grown and gone. Perhaps . . . . oh I could go on forever and wonder why things have been the way they have. She seemed to have no trouble leaving her childhood behind, blankie was left lying casually on the bed, as if she had sprung out of bed Tuesday morning and simply tossed it aside for her new life.

She filled four boxes and two carry-on bags when packing her belongings Monday night. Two boxes went with her as baggage and two were left in her room for me to send later by bus. The morning of departure she said to me, “My entire life is in those 4 boxes.” She purged her belongings ruthlessly and extensively to whittle down the amount of stuff that would have to be moved across the country.

One of the boxes was searched as an extra security precaution by guards who opened the box and rifled through it. Kassie and I stood by and giggled and joked to ourselves that it was good that Jen hadn’t packed any weed in the box. We spoke too soon as it turns out her ‘pipe’ was in the box. Needless to say, security didn’t find it or I’d be writing another post entirely.

This afternoon I went through one of the boxes that I am to send her via bus. In it was shoes, a few articles of summer clothing, shoes, video games, shoes, stuffies, shoes, and books. Did I mention that she likes shoes? The other box is likely filled with books, which is interesting because she got rid of a large box just last week, and she’s left a huge collection of paper backs in her room. She is a true bibliophile. I think that means book lover, if not, please correct me.

Ever since “Pirates of the Caribbean” was released, she’s been in love with Johnny Depp and all things Depp-related. The majority of the posters and pictures left on her wall were of him; they are now out in the dumpster. Her method of saying goodbye to this home and her life here is to ‘rip the bandage off quickly,’ which is in sharp contrast to my method.

In short, sometimes I feel I knew the girl that lived in my home, and sometimes I swear I didn’t know her at all. She’s fascinating, beautiful, genius, artistic, entertaining, stubborn, unafraid, and she’s my daughter.