10 Parenting Tips Learned From My Children

Before I give you advice on how to parent your children, let me clarify a few important details.  I’ve already raised two children to adulthood and am currently raising a 2 ½ year old grandson.  That sentence alone should speak volumes. 

First, obviously something went awry if I’m raising a grandchild.  Second, I’ve got more experience with raising kids than just the toddler that I always blog about.  Experience has a way of teaching you more things that don’t work than things that do work.

And without further ado, here are my 10 parenting tips: 

1. Have lots of cheap or second hand clothes.  You may change your child’s clothes more times in a day than you ever knew possible.  Dirt has a way of attaching itself to your child’s clothing and every inch of your child. 
2. Have a sense of humor.  That should really be self-explanatory, but as a first time parent (23 years ago) that wasn’t the case.  Not everything they do is a predictor of future criminal activity or a sign of being a social misfit. 
3. Don’t worry.  Worry is a waste of time and gets you nowhere.  Whether you worry about your child or not, whatever is meant to happen is gonna happen.  Worrying will not keep your child from falling out of his highchair, or tripping on an invisible shoe on the floor.  If worrying was an effective protective barrier, none of my mothers children or grandchildren would ever have been injured.
4. Live close to a good Emergency Department.  Now that I’ve told you not to worry, I’m telling you to live close to a hospital.  Accidents will happen; some of them will be humorous in hindsight, others will be serious, but the majority will be minor. 
5. Don’t try to go anywhere in a hurry.  Its absolutely a waste of time.  You’ll end up taking longer than if you had gone with an attitude of patience.  Easier said than done, I know.  But it is possible.  I’m living proof; with the first two my life was always rush, rush, rush.  Now I’ve got a few more years behind me, and I know to start preparing early and to allow lots of extra time for mishaps or simply for stopping to smell the roses.  Plus, you’ll all be happier when you get wherever it was that you were going.
6. Enjoy your time with your children.  They are going to be young and exasperating only once and then you blink and they are full grown adults.  Take the time to enjoy them and their personalities.  I’m not suggesting that you enjoy the dirty diapers and sleepless nights, I’m simply suggesting that you enjoy their company as they grow faster than you could ever imagine.
7. Be prepared to give up a bit of yourself.  As a young (19) first-time mother, I thought that when I had a child I could be a mom when I was with him and then be a bar-hopping-social-butterfly when I was out with friends.  Not so at all.  I once spent a fair sum of money to come home from Europe a week early because I missed my son so much.  Your life will never be the same again, never.  A piece of your heart is inside every child.
8. Don’t expect quality moments to happen during quality time.  Quality moments happen during quantity time.  Stay at home moms around the world can attest to that fact.  Children need their parents’ time more than they need their parents’ money.
9. Be consistent.  When you say that you’re going to put them in a time-out if they throw something one more time, follow through.  Be fair, but also be consistent. Be reasonable but consistent.  Children then know what to expect if they behave in a particular manner and children need boundaries.
10. Shoes are not required.  This means that you do not need to protect your child from every possible danger in the world.  This also means that we, as parents, need to relax and let our child feel the warm grass beneath their feet in the summer sun.

These tips are somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but also very serious.  I am by no means a parenting expert, but these are some things I have learned on the journey called mommy-hood.

Summary

My very first attempt at blogging was short-lived and only lasted for two posts.  Life has a way of getting busy and overriding the things you need to do for yourself.  It was only six short weeks after I initially tried blogging that I found out Jen was pregnant with my first grandchild, Kev.

Life kind of spiralled out of control after that, my teen-age daughter was pregnant, I was working almost full time on D2, a love relationship started, Kev was born (what a happy day that was!), Jen had post-partum depression, Chris moved out with his girlfriend, I became Kev's guardian/mother, financial difficulties abounded, and Jen and I were butting heads constantly.

The first year of Kev's life was a very challenging one for all of us but I was determined that Kev should not feel any of its effects. The second year of his life started with a huge birthday party and lots of gifts, followed by his birth-mother's graduation from high school, and the end of my love relationship.  Jen and I were butting heads more as time went on. I wanted her to work and provide income for the household but since she wasn't employed until September, I insisted that she take care of Kev while I worked.  She did so, and with much greater ease than was evident a year previously. 

In September 2009 Kev began attending daycare in Winnipeg and had a full-time spot which he used only when I worked.  It was very rare that I brought him there when I was not working.  Jen had a job at this time and she picked him up on her way home from work on the days that he was there and rode the bus home with him.  I'd come home from work and he'd be fast asleep in his crib, having had a good supper that Jen cooked.

Just days prior to my 42nd birthday in October it became apparent that the anti-depressants that I'd been taking for 15 years (I started in 1993, just 5 months after my sister passed away) had abruptly stopped working.  More financial difficulties ensued as I had to take two weeks off of work in order switch from one med to another.  When the new meds entered my system and began to take effect my thinking became much clearer than it had been in years!

I realized that if Kev and I were going to be a family, and if Jen and I were ever going to salvage any sort of mother-daughter relationship we would have to live in separate homes.  It was then I decided to move back to the "country" with my son.

During my paid holidays in November I began purging my belongings in a way that I hadn't manage to do before in my lifetime.  I was throwing off the chains of the past and moving ahead for a brighter and lighter future.  I journalled, I cleaned, journalled some more, and then cleaned again.

December came around and I headed back to work on GD2 at Health Science Centre and told my unit manager that I was planning on leaving early in the new year.  She and my coworkers completely supported me in making this move and the corresponding life change. 

I started blogging again on X-mas Day  of 2009 and you already know the rest. 

But, just in case you missed it, here's some old posts which don't show up in my side bar to the left.

Night Shift and Stuff

A Confession

Random Thoughts From a Nurse on Break

Money Talk

A Day in the Life of a Nurse

Resolutions vs. Goals


My Regrets

For Rent: House #1

Night Shift

Baby Girl Leaves the Nest

Farewell Sony Ericson, Hello iPhone

Goal #1

Honesty From a Would Be Empty Nester

Cleaning Out Jennifer's Room

Quick Post ...

Scared and Worried

My New Home

Options in the Rental Market

Countdown

Emergency Room Nurse

More Details

First Day at Our New House

A Night on D2

The Morning After

Wednesday, With a Twist

Last Night Shift on GD2 - Orthopedics

Please Don't Feed The Nurses

Nurses spend an excessive amount of time on their feet, walking, standing, and occasionally running. You'd think that with all that activity our metabolisms would be on par with long distance runners and we'd have low bodyfat percentages.

Not so at all! Many nurses I know are slightly overweight and many are trying to lose a few pounds, myself included. There's a reason for that; it's a rare occasion that there is not some form of junk food on our tables and countertops.

Well meaning family members, grateful for the care their loved one is receiving or had received, bring boxes of chocolate, bags of chips, etc. It's rare that we receive a veggie platter or a fruit basket as a thank you gift and I'm not quite sure why that is.  Perhaps family members feel that we deserve a 'treat' and then get us junk food.  Well, it is a treat for us, and we inhale our treats as if we hadn't eaten in a month.

Its not that I'm ungrateful for the gifts we get from family members, not at all, we appreciate each and every gesture of appreciation.  It would just be much kinder for our health and our waistlines if you would bring us healthy treats vs. chocolate or donuts.

 Just for the record, I'm sure that I am not speaking on behalf of all nurses; I'm sure there are those who prefer the junk food treats and then I'm sure there are those who feel that we should be happy with whatever gift we get.  But I can assure you that regardless of the edible gift you bring us as a team will get eaten asap.